Simply the best?
At work today I had to order a door handle. To wit:
This seemed like a simple enough task, so when Google flashed up the results I instinctively hurled myself on to www.simplydoorhandles.co.uk.
What could be more apt, I thought – what could be simpler? – than a website selling only door handles? I’d be done in no time at all.
How wrong I was.
For a website offering simply anything is, by definition, not simple. It’s simply specialist. It’s simply every possible door handle, in every possible material, in every possible finish, in every possible shape, ever devised by the human race. It is a vortex of variables that swallows you whole, looking on laughing while you vacillate yourself into oblivion. It makes doubters of the decisive. Its ‘everything on the table’ simplicity crushes your willpower until you’re obsessing over the minutest detail – questioning the most basic assumptions. ‘Do they come in pairs?’ I whimpered. Ten minutes later, I re-read the small print for the twentieth time. ‘Yes,’ the door handles said to me. ‘Yes, we do come in pairs.’
The moral of it all?
‘Only’ does not mean ‘simply’. ‘Simply’ does not mean ‘speedy’.